I miss reading your blogs!

I miss reading your blogs! I hope you find whatever it is that you are missing very soon.  Writing is who you are :) are the words that greeted me this morning in an email sent by someone very dear to me! It is true that I have been suffering from a bad bout of writer's block for the past more than few weeks. I have been conscious of this fact and imputed it to my deep concern about a dear one's health. Sure it has taken a lot of my time but in no way all of it. The remaining time is spent procrastinating and worrying. Every morning I promise to myself that I will pick up my virtual pen, but then the day goes by and the promise fades in a flurry of delaying tactics. It has been going on for far too long as blogs lie unfinished and even work remains incomplete.

My lovely child's words were a true Epiphany! Writing is who you are she says and she has hit the nail on its head. For the past weeks I had been dealing with my worries by exercising regularly, eating healthy, resting, meditating and so on. And in spite of all this I was not getting active or inspired. Far from that looks now in hindsight that I was wallowing in some kind of self pity. Or simply sinking into a depressive state. What I did not realise is that the panacea to all my ills was, is and will be writing. How could I have forgotten that.

Dear Popples did get written at a time when I was at a very low ebb. Writing lifted the clouds in a jiffy. Since regular writing has kept the blues away till I again encountered a rough patch and simply forgot my wonder drug.

Writing is truly who I am, because writing allows me to share my inner most thoughts, my joy and my pain, my anger and exasperation as well my moments of success and failures. Once they are out there for all to see my happiness increases many fold and my pain gets greatly reduced. It cannot be true that nothing of value has occurred in the past weeks. It is just that I misplaced my ability to look with my heart. It is time that I do just that and hope it has the required effect.

Last week was my 61st and though nothing great was planned at home, how could I forget the wonderful birthday my project family had organised for me. It must admit sheepishly that as I have been doing for some time now, I was ready to head home after my morning tea at Rani's. I was a tad irritated when Shamika bullied me into climbing the two flight of stairs to the office. As I stepped into the small open space I was greeted by flowers, and the smiles of my team and a lovely cake. It was a lovely moment and most unexpected. But that was not all. The daughter had to do some more bullying to convince to come to her class at noon. I acceded to the request as the special children hold a very special place in my heart. I climbed the three flight of stairs panting and was told that I needed to climb one more and reach the terrace. To my utmost delight the special kids had prepared a succulent meal for me and there were more flowers and streamers. Made me
feel on top of the world but the very special moment that brought  tears to my eyes was when Radha walked towards me in her own inimitable way and handed be the birthday card the special children had made just for me. What truly made my day was the smile she gave me as Radha's smiles have been rare these days. This was the most perfect gift. The lunch was delectable as it has been made with so much love and care. I could not have wished for a better birthday. But there was more in store as Shamika had prepared a special dinner at home just for us with all my favourite things. And there yet another cake and candles to be blown.

I continued looking again at the past days with my heart. There was so much I had missed. How could I not have jumped in joy at the fortnight Popples spend at home as they was so much to celebrate. His belated birthday and his rite of passage from primary to secondary school. And more than anything else the fact that he had suddenly become a little man. Gone were the tantrums and mood swings. He was a pleasure to have around. All the years of worry and angst vanished in a jiffy. God and I had not had the sagacity to savour all this. This is what happens when you forget to look with your heart. And what was most heartwarming was the fact that Kiran and Popples bonded as best friends once again, just as they were when they were tiny tots.

And there is more. Our children proved again that they were to the manor born as they danced their way into the hearts of hundreds of guests in a 5* Hotel without batting and eyelid. They acted as true professionals and made us very proud. And that was not all, all the children passed their examinations and got promoted to the next class. How could I have let all this pass by!

Today I fee alive once again after a long time. I feel blessed for having so much love and affection and such a big family. I do not have the right to feel gloomy. Problems happen. Personal ones too. They just need to be addressed with hope. What if I were to tell you that I have just come back from a visit to the eye doctor and been told that I would need an operation as I have cataracts in both eyes. I am glad this happened after I received the mail that reminded me that writing was the sovereign remedy to all my a ills and that the essential was to always remember to look with one's heart. And my way of doing so is by writing.